I wish my penis had an off switch
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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