I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
