Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
