apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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