Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
