no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
