Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
