She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
