Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
