it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
