I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
