hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
