the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
