wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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