We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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