My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
zippers are such a cool invention
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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