You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
