This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
