If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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