Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
