sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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