just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
