I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
