I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
