Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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