Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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