never play flip cup with pint glasses
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
