Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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