he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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