gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
