Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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