What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
