I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
