dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
