that's an acceptable place to lick
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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