Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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