Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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