The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
