This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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