brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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