Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
