I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
