Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
