There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i barfeds in our rink
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A bitchslap is in order.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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