I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
