So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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