I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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