I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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