God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
