I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
