i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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