Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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